P.S. SN UWM

P.S. SN UWM - this is how i sign my patient's charts. I am no longer the anatomy student in the third row from the center. I am no longer dreaming of becoming a nurse - i am now starting to live my visions. I practice my nursing skills on Joe, Sam, and Oakey Woods (a few of our artillery of mannequins at the nursing school) and then... I "practice" on real human beings. I hate calling it practice because it sounds like i have the opportunity to make a mistake and suffer no concequences. Of course it is not so. School has been extremely difficult but I am in love with all of the things i am learning. This semester's clinical experience is at Aurora Sinai hospital and currently i am working on the orthopedic rehabilitation unit. Just last week i had a patient with Parkinson's disease. She was a very vibrant older woman. While I was helping her with dinner, she told me stories about her family and her disease while jokingly hinting that she would never want to work around sick people. The tremors in her hands, her inability to walk with out assisted devices, and her unfortunate health history made me reassess the things i have in my life. You could tell that she was a feisty young woman and that she still is a fighter. She said she missed driving... and i told her that with the recent gas prices, it is good that she was staying off the road... she smiled and laughed... I was truly inspired, simply by the fact that she confided in me... yes me.. just some nursing student. It was a strong realization that I am soon to be responsible for human lives. I am going to love what i do and it is the greatest feeling. I am thankful for having the ability to influence someones well-being and i would be truly honored to do that for the rest of my life.

Perplexed

Sometimes you realize that you have to grow up... and that you can't just run away even though that is the only thing you know how to do well.

Somehow i do a great job at making my life terribly difficult and deeply confusing not only to me but to everyone who surrounds me.

Thinking...

Making Choices

I've been thinking about making good choices. There are those that are only good for the time being, those that are good only after a while, and finally the ones that are just good from start to end. It is hard to make choices with out being reassured that the outcome is guaranteed to be exactly what you expect it to be. I've made all kinds of choices in my life, hoping that all of them will end in at least some kind of warped version of what i was envisioning. The decisions of daily importance range from how hard you are going to hit that snooze button on Monday morning to what to do first when you see someone collapse at a grocery store (I've been there). Sometimes i wonder how some choices that seem so so wrong can feel so very right... I want to be proud of the choices i make, little or huge. I don't want the burden of regret or the pattern of constant longing of going back and changing the sequence of events so that you could have done something better. I think my rather rough life experience has given me a good "hand to play" when faced with certain situation but sometimes, i get totally blindsided by how unprepared and how novice i feel when trying to choose a correct path. My mother always taught me to face my fears and take on challenges... and i am trying really hard. It's just sometimes.. i wish i could be extended a helping hand in giving me a realistic look at what is right for the long hall... not just for the moment.

Last Day of Freedom

Well, it is Sunday night. School starts tomorrow... can i just express at how disgusted i am to spend $668 and some odd cents on books that I will have to mostly pretend that i am reading?? I think that the university system should be ashamed at how much money they are taking from kids that already don't have much to begin with.... yea like me (totally poor!!!). I start planning meals around my paycheck. I am hoping to totally become focused on doing good this semester because after 17 credits of classes that make me want to pull my hair out, i will be set free for my last year. Plus i need to find a hospital job so i can actually get my feet wet in what it is i am going to be around for the rest of my life (sounds a bit daunting). I've also (of course) been feeling sick... which makes me absolutely despise winter and Wisconsin (Hawaii here i come). Well, i am going to go and TRY to fall asleep (i have a ton to think about as usual) ... plus as a nerd that i am, i am still just a little excited to get back to the whole studying thing. Till next time...

Friday Night Adventures

1)Finally done with my winter World History class (finally!!!).
2)Feeling a little under the weather (Nothing a good ol' OTC drug can't fix).
3)Going to rock out the last Friday of freedom by going out to Firefly (with someone quite handsome).
4)Listening to Hot N' Cold (which you totally are..)

Chao :)

Break The Ice

Although I plan on NOT having a life as soon as my next semester of school starts, I feel the urge to share my experiences as I go through my always unpredictable days. Recently, my life seems to have been turned upside down (nothing new) and I've decided to start fresh. I hope this blog helps me talk (or more so write) through my problems and when appropriate acknowledge my successes. Ultimately, somewhere down the line, I may be even be able to get to know this incredibly confused but always resilient 21 - year old that has been tightly packed into my 5'4'' (almost...) stature.